i've got no strings. | recolle sample

[pronounces]

[ nazuna's nightmare's aren't all that abnormal, at least for him. he frequently has sketchy dreams about various, terrifying images, but this is the first time that his dream has been so clear.

nazuna's in front of a stage. the audience is full, glimmering with red and gold light sticks, and the crowd seems to be hanging on the very edge of their seats for what is going to be a spectacular performance of some kind. they're cheering and shouting for someone, and when the curtain comes up, there's nazuna.

his hair is a little longer, the blonde locks reaching his shoulders and delicately curled; there's a black headband pressed lovingly into his hair. the entire outfit nazuna has on does, really, suit him--it's delicate and lacy, and whatever stage makeup he has on his face gives him the appearance of a perfectly angelic doll.

there's something strange about it, though. at his wrist, his elbows, his shoulders, his head, his ankles and knees--there are strings, softly glimmering gold in the light of the stage. they lead up to the catwalk above the stage, where a mysterious, shadowy hand snaps its fingers, and beautiful orchestra music begins to play.

in his nightmare, nazuna's not quite himself. his facial expression doesn't really change, mouth closed, eyes blank. he's a perfect, total doll, and the strings begin to twitch, making him dance along to the tune. the crowd goes wild for him, light sticks glowing and waving along with the tunes, as two other (unknown) voices sing from across the stage. here, nazuna is the star, and when the curtain finally closes to thunderous applause, the strings drop, and he's left there, just dangling. just another doll to be used when the second song starts.

...unless someone was willing to cut him free. ]

Comments

[handcraftings]

[ oh, but nazuna, supernovas burn out. in a brilliant flash of light, nonetheless, one that's capable of illuminating even the dullest of dancers, brilliant white contrasting with darkest black, like ink splatters on a pristine white page.

even if clad in black, nazuna shines brighter than any other star - it's very reason why he had caught shu's attention, at first, when nazuna first stepped into his teacher's dance studio, awkward limbs but an intuitive grasp on musicality and rhythm.

shu had never seen anything like that before.

and just watching nazuna - powering through complicated choreography with sheer willpower and determination, and also helping his younger co-stars out when necessary - somewhere along the line, shu had fallen in love, too, even if he hadn't noticed it, at first. they were both young then, after all.

ten years is a long time. and right here, right now, nightmare forgotten, the fact that nazuna is kissing him back is enough to catch him off guard, even if he doesn't pull away when nazuna presses his lips to shu's mouth again, and he tilts his head the other way when they lean in, together, parting his lips slightly. it's the first time they've actually kissed but somehow kissing nazuna is familiar and makes his chest ache with something.

it feels like love, although he's not quite sure how to place it just yet.

the kiss breaks, and it's quiet enough that this close, shu can hear every single breath that nazuna takes, can feel the way his lips are mouthing words against his, and then--

I love you

--he lets go of his hold on nazuna's hands in favour of using one arm to pull him closer, the fingers of his other hand tracing over the line of nazuna's cheekbones, lets nazuna lean into it when they finally part again, this time with enough distance with them that shu can look at him properly.

nazuna looks at him like he hung the stars in the sky, and shu swallows, though he never averts his gaze, doesn't look away. ]

... I missed you. [ finally he admits it, soft, almost under his breath, whispered into the space between them, small as it is.

another sharp intake of breath. ] I've always loved you.

[pronounces]

[ nazuna could cry.

he feels it for a minute, the hot burn of tears at the back of his throat, and it comes out as a wet giggle instead. shu's hand comes up to his face, and it feels like its leaving a trail of heat on his cheeks, straight down to his heart, squeezing through his chest, his ribs. this moment is so perfect it almost feels like something out of a dream; he wants to pinch himself.

i've always loved you.

he thinks about it again, and again. i've always loved you. i missed you. nazuna's thought about his reunion with shu a hundred times over the past three years, imagining a hundred different scenarios--some happier, some with him slapping him right across the face and shouting at him about how irresponsible he was (and reality turned out to be a mix of both)--but the kiss had never gone like this. he'd maybe daydreamed shu saying that he missed him, that he loved him, but now that it's happening, it's making him giddy.

he giggles again, a tiny little noise as he puts his hands over his mouth between them. nazuna is smiling so hard his cheeks are starting to ache, and the tears pricking at his eyes are happy now, but his natural urge is to cover it just a little, to let his shoulders come up near his ears as he just tries to contain the giddiness, just for a second. ]

You could've thaid so! [ but he doesn't sound accusing, or mad, just delighted, effervescent enough that his stutter slips in, and nazuna's on him in seconds, his own hands coming up to cup shu's cheeks, to pull him over into that little space again for a kiss, another, another, until he's almost in his lap trying to get closer to him. it's like he'll never be close enough--no physical touch can bridge a three year gap, maybe, but nazuna'll be damned if he doesn't make up for this lost time.

there's another kiss, and then another, and at this point, he's small enough to in fact end up in his lap, right leg swinging across shu's thigh to settle on him. he ends up leaning in to press their foreheads together, shutting his eyes, sniffling a little. ] I never stopped, either, you know, I never--ever stopped loving you, even when you were gone, Itsuki, I always hoped, maybe, maybe...

[ he trails off, giggles again, a wet noise, and leans in to kiss him again. it's a little longer this time, and he murmurs against shu's mouth, just one more time-- ] I can't believe thish is happenin'.

[ now this... this would be more like a shu dream of nazuna's, though he won't say that out loud. ]

[handcraftings]

[ it's like the end of a performance. that moment when the music ends, when the lights fade out, and as a dancer, as a performer, there's always those few seconds in between where there's complete silence, a complete lack of anything to signal what's going to happen next.

usually a standing ovation follows, because he's shu itsuki, and he'll be damned if nothing less than absolute perfection was shown on stage.

this kind of feels like that moment, until nazuna breaks into a smile (as bright as the sun, he thinks, in the back of his mind) and before he can properly process and realise what's happening, nazuna's pressing into him again for another kiss, and nazuna's hands are on his cheeks and his own hands are coming up to close around nazuna's wrists, lets himself drown in nazuna the way he drowns in applause after a performance, giving in to adrenaline rush and instinct.

when it fades, his lips are kiss-bitten thanks to nazuna, and he probably looks more than a little bit dazed, pupils dilated, because nazuna is in his lap, their foreheads pressed together, shu holding on to him and

this feels kind of a little bit surreal, actually

and when nazuna sniffles, giggles, he loses himself in one more kiss before they pull apart, and shu laughs.

(he hasn't laughed in a while.) ]

I-- [ and there's a stuttered intake of breath, he's always been composed, almost unflappable, in front of nazuna, and this is. certainly a way to destroy that impression of him, and--

his grip tightens, just a little, and although it's firm, it's still gentle.

never meant to hurt. ]

I would never have imagined-- { another laugh, but this time, if nazuna listens closely, there's a trace of bitterness, maybe a hint of self-depreciation. ] I would never have thought you would want to return to me, to someone broken.

[ (--won't you return to me? You were mine first, after all--) ]

[pronounces]

[ nazuna wants to kiss shu every moment for the rest of his life, that's it.

how could he stop now that he's started? it's like a dam's broken, one that's been up for half of nazuna's life. he's thought about kissing shu so, so many times, and now it's happening, and nothing could've prepared him for this. nothing could've prepared him for the way he looks when they pull away, the slightly dazed look in his blue eyes, his kiss bitten lips. nazuna's falling in love all over again; if he could get shu to make that face every day for the rest of his life, he could probably die happily. it's picture perfect and so, so real, it just--makes him want to kiss him again, honestly.

but shu's talking, so. he stops the urge and just stays close to him, still close enough to nearly brush their noses together, enjoying the proximity. shu's thighs are warm underneath his, and he feels so solid, so real, so--nothing like the one from his dream.

someone broken conjures up the image again, him, crumpled on the stage, little porcelain pieces, but nazuna refuses to let that nightmare ruin what's happening. he's turned it into an opportunity, now, and instead, he just lets the fondness in his chest swell up like a balloon as he reaches forward to cup his cheeks.

(his laugh sounded like the first notes of a symphony.) ] You're an idiot.

[ he sounds so sweet and affectionate when he says so, though, so, so fond. ] You're here.

[ and that's what matters. he doesn't care that he's broken, because nazuna's seen him do amazing things in the studio again, watched him make ten other kids faces light up like he did to nazuna all those years ago, when they were little and still learning each other.

there's still lots of learning to be done, though. there's a whole side of shu he's getting to learn now, and it starts here, with his hands on his cheeks and the soft way nazuna presses his lips against his to seal the deal. it's slower, less giddy and energetic as he reigns himself in, reminds himself to find some control. ]