[ to hear song lan say there's nothing to forgive is surprising, sure, but as the conversation carries on, the surprise slowly fades into relief. really, he shouldn't be all that surprised--song lan is as kind and upright as anyone can be, and no one knows that more than xiao xingchen does, but he thought...
well, it doesn't matter. at this moment, xue yang is just an echo of the past, a ghost that will follow at their heels until all is said and done. inevitably they'll face him, and xiao xingchen won't be fooled again. not this time--not with song lan at his side. inevitably, they'll face him together.
xiao xingchen won't let song lan go again, and though he'll do so silently, he will earnestly, fullheartedly, give himself over to try and fix what he'd broken. if faced with the same question--his master looking at him near expressionless, "is this truly what you want, xiao xingchen?--he would answer "yes", a hundred times over. his sight was a small sacrifice. for his best friend, his other half, the most important and good person he's ever met, xiao xingchen would do anything.
slowly, the regret and guilt twisted up in his chest loosens, uncurling and leaving him feeling warm all over. he's unable to see song lan, can't pick up on if he's crying or not, but he's not much better--blood leaks from the old wounds at his eyelids, red tracing tracks down his face. it's an odd, unfortunate picture, but his mouth is curled up at the corners in a soft, unsteady smile as he uses song lan's grip against his hand to bring him home.
...however, his comment brings him back to reality, too, as their situation comes to light. he is in fact, still sitting in this bathtub, completely unclothed, crying tears of blood as he finally gets the chance to apologize to song lan. reaching up with his free hand, he touches his own cheeks; his fingertips come away wet.
he laughs. it's soft, a huff of a thing, a little hysterical, as he turns his head back towards where he knows song lan is. he looks a bit helpless with it, but the lightness of the moment after all that gravity is nice, and xiao xingchen can't stop the smile on his face from growing more. his shoulders shake, and then he's laughing, softly, but still there, enough that xiao xingchen's politeness takes over and he muffles it gently with that same, slightly bloodied hand, curling against his mouth. this is ridiculous. this is completely and utterly ridiculous. if song lan won't laugh, then xiao xingchen will, and be thankful for little mercies like being allowed to feel mirth. ] ...I am, aren't I? On that, I'll trust your judgement.
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well, it doesn't matter. at this moment, xue yang is just an echo of the past, a ghost that will follow at their heels until all is said and done. inevitably they'll face him, and xiao xingchen won't be fooled again. not this time--not with song lan at his side. inevitably, they'll face him together.
xiao xingchen won't let song lan go again, and though he'll do so silently, he will earnestly, fullheartedly, give himself over to try and fix what he'd broken. if faced with the same question--his master looking at him near expressionless, "is this truly what you want, xiao xingchen?--he would answer "yes", a hundred times over. his sight was a small sacrifice. for his best friend, his other half, the most important and good person he's ever met, xiao xingchen would do anything.
slowly, the regret and guilt twisted up in his chest loosens, uncurling and leaving him feeling warm all over. he's unable to see song lan, can't pick up on if he's crying or not, but he's not much better--blood leaks from the old wounds at his eyelids, red tracing tracks down his face. it's an odd, unfortunate picture, but his mouth is curled up at the corners in a soft, unsteady smile as he uses song lan's grip against his hand to bring him home.
...however, his comment brings him back to reality, too, as their situation comes to light. he is in fact, still sitting in this bathtub, completely unclothed, crying tears of blood as he finally gets the chance to apologize to song lan. reaching up with his free hand, he touches his own cheeks; his fingertips come away wet.
he laughs. it's soft, a huff of a thing, a little hysterical, as he turns his head back towards where he knows song lan is. he looks a bit helpless with it, but the lightness of the moment after all that gravity is nice, and xiao xingchen can't stop the smile on his face from growing more. his shoulders shake, and then he's laughing, softly, but still there, enough that xiao xingchen's politeness takes over and he muffles it gently with that same, slightly bloodied hand, curling against his mouth. this is ridiculous. this is completely and utterly ridiculous. if song lan won't laugh, then xiao xingchen will, and be thankful for little mercies like being allowed to feel mirth. ] ...I am, aren't I? On that, I'll trust your judgement.
[ as he always has; that goes unsaid. ]