potosi | i was born with lightning at my heels

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!2016

i was born with lightning at my heels

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cherry wine
hozier

I want it, it's a crime
That she's not around most of the time

Way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

Her fight and fury is fiery
Oh but she loves
Like sleep to the freezing
Sweet and right and merciful
I'm all but washed
In the tide of her breathing

And it's worth it, it's divine
I have this some of the time

Edited 2016-02-08 21:25 (UTC)

[ once upon a time, kuramochi youichi's life was utterly, irreparably destroyed.

(or so he thought.)

kominato ryousuke and kominato haruichi, two people who were kuramochi's entire world--he'd played second base with them both, loved the second like a brother and the first in ways he couldn't put his fingers on--had a death annoucement in the newspaper. a house robbery, while kuramochi was away at work. haruichi had been living with them while he was preparing for spring training with a professional baseball team. it was an accident, an unlucky coincidence that they were both in the same place at the same time, that kuramochi came home from work and found both brothers dead, ryousuke over haruichi as if he'd protected him with his dying breath. he probably did.

the grief had been insurmountable--and then one day he woke up and it was like things reset. as an adult, he saw ryousuke grow. one day he found him when he was six years old. another, he was eight. a third, they were together again, ryousuke with lines from his permanent smile. it felt like every other time he closed and opened his eyes, he woke up to a different lifetime--one where they'd end up together, ones where they didn't.

it was a chance to fix things. kuramochi wasn't an idiot.

he couldn't fuck this up again (couldn't take it if it was him meeting the kominatos that ruined their lives, but it turned out not to be this way), and as he tread carefully through the timelines, trudged through cold nights alone and the occasional, painful night together. it took years. he thinks--time is complicated, now, and he doesn't talk about it.

but one day. one day youichi woke up at 25 years old--the age he was when the kominatos passed away--with ryousuke curled up at his side. he's only shifted into the warmth beside him out of habit, his arm slung around a thin waist, nose tucked into familiar pink hair. in fact, what wakes him up is not his own realization of time travel, but a cat.

a cat who leaps on his face. kuramochi reacts immediately, his face screwing up, and grunts-- ] C'mon, Lovecraft, jesus-- [ and then freezes in the middle of gently pushing the lump of gray fur off his face. lovecraft had been his and ryousuke's cat in the original timeline--when everything was okay.

his eyes snap open, and kuramochi looks down. sure enough, ryousuke's there, still asleep, blankets pulled up to his nose like he does in the winter. winter means it's past when the robbery happened (early fall, the red leaves covering up twin gravestones, ms. kominato crying into kuramochi's shoulder) and kuramochi's stunned so speechless he can't move, the tidal wave of warmth knocking him breathless.

it's fixed. ]

[ When Ryousuke was a kid, entrusted with his baby brother at the park for an hour just down the street, he remembers meeting someone with tattoos and piercings. He remembers finding him weird, and the kind of intimidating that meant there was more bark than bite, usually, but he also remembers the way that he'd teared up the second he'd seen him. It'd taken a little boy mere minutes to decide that he was harmless - and if he wasn't, even at six, he could've taken him out at the knees - and to bully him into helping him with his little brother.

He remembers, at twelve, having the stranger - who he'd affectionately nicknamed stalker-kun, because when he was around he was everywhere - clean up his scrapes and bruises from a fistfight that he'd won like a wildcat against a pack of dogs. He remembers him teaching him how to throw a fist so that he could pack more of a punch behind it, with his small frame. Around that age was when he'd started feeling more, this weird sense of deja vu every time he looked at the man.

Ryousuke remembers, during his high school years, feeling like there was a void at his side. The short stop he played with didn't have a cackling laugh that he found annoying, before he fell in love with it. They didn't have amber eyes and a crooked nose. Whoever they were, his mind replaces them with the wide-eyed stare of his personal guardian, the day that Ryousuke had pinned him against a wall with only his fingertips and kissed him at sixteen.

(Whoever that short stop was, they're gone now, as things are mended in a way that feels right. It's as if Kuramochi Youichi was always there, every day of his life. In a way, he was - but with a slurry of memories, of kissing at his graduation, of sending Kuramochi to work, of being pushed in a swing, of dragging him down with him for an emotional first time together in a world where he and Haruichi aren't fated to die before his stalker-kun disappeared for years and years and years.)

Oblivious as he is to everything, save for a peculiar dream, Ryousuke curls up into a tighter ball. He just wants to soak up the warmth of the body next to him, the body that isn't his stupid cat ("I would name a cat Lovecraft"). He stirs a little, sniffling under the blanket and rubbing his head up against the nearest part of Kuramochi, as if he can burrow into him.

Even asleep, it's just right. ]

[ for a brief moment, youichi feels the urge to do just what ryousuke's doing--to roll back over and curl back up, go back to sleep. torn between the feeling of things being perfectly right and the terrifying thought that this was just another dream, things about to go perfectly wrong, he's left stranded for a moment, just looking down.

that's not just ryousuke--he would know ryousuke anywhere, has seen him in ten different ways now, twenty different ages, from five to fifty. their lives have been intertwined together from day one, from ryousuke at six years old bullying him into watching haruichi (to kuramochi pretending his throat wasn't thick with tears as he held a four year old haruichi on his knee and saw him alive, tiny and shy and going to bloom into a professional baseball player and a good kid, one of the best he's ever known) to ryousuke on a different death bed entirely, old age and sleepy half squinted eyes telling kuramochi he wasn't allowed to follow him to the grave.

the first time he didn't, even if for a week or so, he wished he had. he'd gotten this, instead, a chance to fix things and make his lifetime the right one, where they were together like they'd always been, playing catch in the yard, kuramochi's wedding ring banging against his chest on a chain every time he leapt for a catch, just because. he still wears that now, the one relic he was allowed to take back with him when he woke up in another lifetime with ryousuke calling him stalker-kun.

he can still remember the last time he flashed into what he's sort of been calling the 'main' timeline, the one where he never ages but ryo does, goes through fights for his brother and baseball school, university and a promising career ahead of him, the one where he and ryousuke had originally been scouted to the same university because of the promise of their perfect 'iron wall'. the last time he was here, ryousuke was 22 and graduating college and kuramochi held him in his arms and said he was sorry, because he knew in the morning he'd be gone.

and now he was back. and things were back to normal.

he stares at ryousuke with something like wonder in his eyes, feels himself getting choked up and has to shut his eyes tight to stop from crying as he opens his mouth to speak to the bundle that's moved against his chest--all he can do is hook his left arm around his shoulder and then his right, holding him tight to make sure he's real and alive and there, he's right here, like nothing ever went wrong. ] S-- [ he starts, breathes, squeezes. ] Sorry, Ryo-san.

[ his voice sounds husky even to him, ridiculous and full of tears, and he ducks his head and presses a kiss to the top of his pink head and then drops his own back, squinting his eyes shut tight to keep from crying. ] Y'can go back to sleep.

[ From day one, Ryousuke had tried to figure out what Kuramochi was about. What he was up to. He doesn't like secrets, and he doesn't like it when he doesn't know something that should be so obvious. With every sense of deja vu, of trying to understand him, understand something, his frustration mounted and mounted, until it nearly had snapped. Especially given how he'd be gone for weeks, months, years. (He missed his high school graduation, and Ryousuke had held fast to a bitterness at the back of his throat until he could throw something at Kuramochi's stupid head the next time he saw him, no longer bleached like when he was in junior high.)

There was never... where his friends talked about dating and jostled one another about people they liked, there had never been anyone in his mind's eye that wasn't his stalker. A definite sentence that should never be spoken aloud, given how it sounded, but there simply wasn't. Especially not when he finally got some answers, some understanding, of what was going on. Maybe not everything, but enough that he wasn't so dumb to what he was up to, why he followed him, why he acted the way he did. Why everything seemed so nostalgic to Kuramochi.

Having it all prefaced with "is Haruichi all right?" had been enough to get him to take it seriously.

And here they are, now. Haruichi is probably curled up much like his brother, in his own apartment, using his stupid bear as a pillow. But he's probably actually asleep, unlike his brother. ]

It's too early, Youichi. [ It comes out in a faint hiss against Kuramochi's chest, nose rubbing into his collar as he cuddles closer. At first, that's all he intends on doing, saying - because going back to sleep sounds heavenly, and feels natural, encircled like this. But then he goes tense in his arms, eyes snapping open, his fists uncurling from where he's got them trapped between them so that he can set his worn palms against the firm wall of muscle, finding the warmth of tanned skin and nicks and scratches from an adventurous childhood. The chain.

That's all it takes for him to jolt upright, staring down at him, pink of his eyes visible in disbelief. Lovecraft, offended by all of the disturbances, skulks off to wait them out, but Ryousuke doesn't even register it. All he feels is the sudden tightness in his chest, one that explodes into a warmth that tangles itself all the way through his ribs as he curls his fingers a little against Kuramochi, like he can sink hooks and tethers into him just with the blunt edge of his nails. ]

Youichi. [ His voice is hushed, soft, as if he doesn't want to break what ever spell this might be. ] Youichi.

[ the hardest part of this was not telling ryousuke anything. if there is one thing kuramochi knows about kominato ryousuke, it's that he hates secrets. he's so used to being read by an open book by him that it was hard to try and lock up walls that he'd never once had--and he could tell that it was frustrating for ryo, too. still, it made him a bigger puzzle, which kuramochi figured in some weird way, ryo might enjoy a little. their relationship had been built on trust and loyalty, a hard earned path that kuramochi fought for every step of the way. ryo closes up around people in ways that kuramochi never has, and learning him a second time felt like it evened the playing field--but earning his trust the second time around was just as difficult.

but, just like the first time around, when he did, god, it was so worth it.

now, he just curls his arm tighter around ryousuke and holds on, feels a heavy warmth bursting out of his chest from the tip of ryousuke's nose rubbing into his skin, from the familiarity of the entire situation. kuramochi knows ryo like he knows the back of his hand, knows that he hates mornings and that he's selfless, so unbelievably selfless, that even with his terrible sense of humor and mean teasing, he's got a kind heart. he knows the color of his eyes and the curve of his smile, the way his cheeks flush if kuramochi kisses him right, warm as his brother's, knows that he loves haruichi more than he loves life itself.

even in this second life, this second chance, all of these things have been true. it would have been impossible for kuramochi not to fall in love with him. again and again, over and over. he'd do it a thousand times if it meant he could have this, the way ryousuke sits straight up and curls his hand in his chest.

it's all he can do to manage a smile that he knows is watery, because ryousuke has, and always will be home, and home is what he's been searching for years. ]

Hey. [ he chokes, and the smile that breaks over his face is brilliant, and he knows it's stupid but it's all he can say, so overwhelmed with happiness and the soft timbre of ryousuke's voice. ]

[ There's this urge, to pinch himself. Ryousuke can usually differentiate dream from reality, has very little trouble with it given the quality of his dreams - either bizarre because of the books he reads before bed, or relating to his brother, to this man underneath his hands - but it's the latter that gives him pause. He wants to dig his fingers into him, to make sure he's real and there and his again, instead of lost to some stupid game of temporal leapfrog. Everything about this feels like it should be impossible, right from the beginning to this very moment.

Something in his heart aches, because it's been years since he last got to have this. The warmth of Kuramochi with him, despite the fact that he's felt constant frustration with secrets and half-understood explanations and guesses. But he's known, since that first day, that he was supposed to meet him. No matter when, where, or how, Kuramochi Youichi was meant to be in his life.

He doesn't want to let go of him, but he does, ghosting rough palms up along his skin as he takes him in, maybe a little more wondrous than he'd be in any other situation. A kind of reverence follows his touch, because this is the person that knows him better than anyone else ever has or could. The person that he's had by his side, but is the missing piece he's been missing all these years. Despite his constant frustrations, the heartache he couldn't explain, everything has been worth it for now. It's all been built up, a constant puzzle he's been trying to figure out, a mystery that he can't just skip to the end to learn the answer. He's been waiting, and it's paid off, finally.

As his hands trail up to cup his face, Ryousuke lets out what's probably a watery sounding laugh, shaking in the back of his throat - and then he claps his palms, sharply, on Kuramochi's cheeks as he ducks down to kiss that smile, bumping their noses and teeth clicking together because they're both smiling so much, beatific, giddy. ] Hey, he says. How romantic, Youichi!

children's work
dessa

Before you came along i was a lone cub. fell in love with language, tried to tell the grown-ups about the storm clouds, the weather in my head. hadn't heard the word for melancholy yet.

Then you came in five years behind - we thought you couldn't talk, turns out you were just shy. Mom said it was serious, dad said you'd be fine.

I thought you were the prophet of 1989, You were so tender, we thought something was wrong with you. So patient, we thought that you were deaf - you were so solemn, so tiny but so ancient.

Ma took you to see doctors, you scared her half to death, And I made you a library of tiny books with spines two inches high. You didn't say too much, But your smile taught me how to quiet down my mind.

But I've learned how to paint my face, How to earn my keep, How to clean my kill. Some nights I still can't sleep, The past rolls back, I can see us still.

You've learned how to hold your own, How to stack your stones, But the history's thick. Children aren't as simple as we'd like to think.

You slept in my bed, and if I kept quiet I could hear all the voices in your head.

Edited 2016-02-08 22:17 (UTC)

you and i
PVRIS

You and I.

I know it's warmer where you are, and it's safer by your side, but right now I can't be what you want - just give it time. And if you and I can make it through the night, and if you and I can keep our love alive, we'll find we can meet in the middle.

Bodies and souls collide, dance in the moonlight when all the stars align for you and I - for you and I.

I know it's cold when we're apart, and I hate to feel this die, but you can't give me what I want - just give it time. And if you and I can make it through the night, and if you and I can keep our love alive, we'll find we can meet in the middle.

Bodies and souls collide, dance in the moonlight when all the stars align for you and I - for you and I.

But for now we stay so far, 'til our lonely limbs collide. I can't keep you in these arms, so I keep you in my mind. But for now we stay so far, 'til our lonely limbs collide. I can't keep you in these arms, so I keep you in my mind.

(Reaching out, can't feel you now.)

We can meet in the middle, bodies and souls collide, dance in the moonlight when all the stars align for you and I - for you and I.

Edited 2016-02-22 22:31 (UTC)

avalanche
walk the moon

18 thousand year old soul
Leader and shooting star
In the place she waits
But she moonlights rock and roll
Play the rain dance with her guitar
Sometimes you only get one chance

You got a look in your eyes
I knew you pure in past life
One glance and the avalanche drops
One look and my heartbeat stops

Ships pass in the night
I don't want to wait 'til the next life
One glance and the avalanche drops
One look and my heartbeat stops
Last call and everybody's watching
The voice screams out like a storm
Sometimes the past echoes in the future
Starting long before we were born
Sometimes you only get one chance

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i was born with lightning at my heels

how do you feel about time travelers

heaves

gurgles

gently does reward tags while i work

rubs hands on this

♥

hbd ryosan

and now for something completely different

the second I heard this I was like ITSUMEI!!!!

laughs all the way to hell